


Can't breathe without

by StealthKaiju



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bad Jokes, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 05:31:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18631801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StealthKaiju/pseuds/StealthKaiju
Summary: 'One day you will kiss a man you can't breathe without, and find that breath is of little consequence' - Karen Marie MoningBucky is convinced Steve's going to leave because... well, why wouldn't he?





	Can't breathe without

**Author's Note:**

> *Disclaimer* I did not enjoy Endgame. There were some good bits, the actors were great, but overall there were too many problems, and I feel the Russo brothers even ignored what they had established in their own films. So here is my little fix-it. If this scene had happened, it wouldn’t have fixed the whole film (so many problems), but at least it wouldn’t have left me with such a bad taste in my mouth.
> 
> Anyway, hope you read and enjoy.

Bucky knew he was going to lose Steve. (Not that he was ever his.) It was different to falling away, watching  Steve’s anguished, desperate face getting smaller and smaller, then replaced by just white and grey, but the same feeling of loss and fear accompanied it.

 

That same coldness. That same dread. At least then he could scream. Not put on a fake smile. At least then he knew he had a few seconds before death. Not minutes of watching Steve go on the transport, before a lifetime of loneliness.

 

‘I’ll miss you,’ he said. _Don’t go_ , he didn’t say. _Stay with me. Don’t leave. Not when I finally know what you are to me._

 

Because when Bucky had finally worked out who he was; sifted the broken, jagged pieces of Bucky as a young man, as a soldier, as the Winter Soldier, as a decommissioned weapon;  he thought all the good in him had long since been extracted. Burnt out. Eradicated. But Steve had found him - first in the heli-carrier, then in Budapest, then later in Wakanda – and it was if all the joy had been kept safe for him there.

 

Steve was kind. And funny. And patient. And an idiot. And stubborn. He wouldn’t go when Bucky told him to – he would retreat, give Bucky space, but still be close enough to be back in a heartbeat when he was needed. He held him when he cried. Sat in silence when required. Talked to him, laughed with him… just been with him.

 

‘I’m surprised you guys ain’t deaf with him talking all the time,’ Bucky had once said to Sam. Sam had given him a calculating look. ‘Yeah,’ he said slowly. ‘He’s not really like that with anyone else.’

 

‘He tends to only talk occasionally, in inspirational speeches,’ Clint said, wandering in. ‘Otherwise he’s quiet.’ Clint shrugged. ‘Really good at poker though. Always looks so sincere.’

Bucky answered without thinking, surprising himself. ‘He always lies in poker’.

 

There was the sound of the transport firing up, and in a flash Steve had gone. Bucky shut his eyes briefly, feeling the stinging warmth of tears that wanted to be shed. The shrapnel in his throat of a sob that wanted to be released.

 

Few more seconds of waiting, and then they would know he had gone forever. He’d go back, of course he’d stay, why wouldn’t he stay? Just because you’re here, just because you _want_ him, just because you _need_ him, just because he is the soul and heart of you…

 

‘Welcome back Captain,’ came Bruce’s voice, pleasant and thick with relief. ‘You okay?’

 

Bucky opened his eyes to see Steve, a little battered and bruised, but with a huge smile on his face. ‘Yeah. Could use a shower, some food, and maybe sleep for a fortnight, but otherwise I’m great.’ He winked at Bucky, then turned to Sam. ‘Please god, tell me you brought sandwiches.’

 

‘We have beer as well,’ called Bruce.

 

‘You’re a genius,’ Steve said. He began to step of the pad, slightly shaky in his footsteps. He walked to Bucky. ‘Not as smooth as I would have liked… could have been a bigger shitshow I guess…’

 

Bucky interrupted his monologue with a short, violent punch to his shoulder. ‘You dumb fat-head!’ he shouted at him. ‘You could’ve stayed!’

 

Steve swore and rubbed at his shoulder. ‘And done what?’ A sly grin. ‘I forgot my almanac.’

 

(‘He’s seen Back to the Future, but not Lord of the Rings?’ Bruce whispered aghast to Sam.

‘He likes sci-fi rather than fantasy,’ Sam whispered.

‘That’s not even proper sci-fi!’ Bruce hissed. ‘That may not be the thing to focus on,’ he conceded.

‘True. Also, if they don’t work this out now, I swear I’m gonna kill them both.)

 

‘Been with Peggy. Been with you girl,’ Bucky answered. He sighed. ‘Been happy.’

 

‘I don’t get to be happy now?!’ Steve drawled. ‘And Peggy ain’t been my girl since 1945.’ He crossed his arms, giving Bucky a steely look. ‘It took time, it took effort, and I’ll admit I was angry for a helluva long time, but my life is here.’ He sighed. ‘My work is here, my friends are here… Shit, Buck, _you are here!’_

 

Bucky felt confused, as if the words were coming through water. ‘But… you love her…’ he said slowly.

 

Steve bit his lip, then moved to stand closer. He put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, the warm weight of them as comforting as they always were. Bucky had to fight the urge to lean on him, to fold himself into Steve’s arms, to cling on to him. Steve slowly, gently, leant until his forehead rested on Bucky’s.

 

‘I did. I always will, in a way,’ he said gently, his breath soft on Bucky’s face. ‘But Buck, I love you.’ His hands tightened, almost as if he were clinging onto Bucky. ‘I lost you twice,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘And I am not gonna survive losing you again, because you’re… you’re…’

 

Bucky did what he felt was the bravest thing he had ever done. He moved slowly, placing his lips onto Steve’s.

 

They were warm. And soft. And sweet. And they met his lips, moving with his, in a kiss that was soft, and gentle, and needy, and desperate…

 

(‘They’ve forgotten we’re here, haven’t they? Sam whispered to Bruce. ‘Are you… are you crying?’

‘It’s just so… ah, shut up!)

 

Eventually the two of them stopped. They stood there, arms around each other, refusing to let the other go.

 

‘You really need a shower,’ said Bucky, and smiled as Steve burst into laughter. He cleared his throat. ‘Also, Bruce and Birdie are still here.’

 

‘Aw, crap, I forgot,’ Steve muttered. ‘We’ll never hear the end of this.’

 

 


End file.
